I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
