I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
