Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
