i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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