pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
