He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
