things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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