i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
