well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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