I met the friendliest cop last night
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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