I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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