Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
the condom got lost in my hair
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
