He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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