i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
