I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
