It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
