Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
