Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Houston, we have a squirter
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
