There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
