we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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