I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
