i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
