...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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