i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
