she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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