Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You pole danced in your parka.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
