Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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