What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
