if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
50% drunk capacity currently
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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