Nicole vs. Life
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I stole a fireplace last night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
