Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
