Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
