is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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