Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
