This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
