This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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