I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
