You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
