my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
