im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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