I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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