Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
