Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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