you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
