Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
