The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
