I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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