??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
