We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
