I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
