My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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