see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
