We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
